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10.10.10: I prefer 42

 Something about my past...but nothing to do with the fact that the birthday called "42" is behind me...by a bit. Pfffft.

In college, I was appointed to a crash course in the Hitchhikers Trilogy. The title volume: The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. The series ends with So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish. Go figure.

Still, I get all tickly inside w/this memory. My first boyfriend in college actually read the entire trilogy to me--all four books. Out loud. In the Texas A&M library. And then proceeded to crack up (again, out loud) at all the right geeky moments. Stellar.

I can't point my finger only at him, though. This series was funny. Bizarre, but funny. Of course, anything in one's youth that fits that description should be suspect. That suspicious certainly was confirmed when the movie came out a few years ago.

Oy! Some memories of the book series clicked and others were just...off. Or maybe I didn't envision things being said in English accents. It was like a B-version (or less) Austin Powers.

In any case, it makes me laugh now to think that today's date in binary (42)--to some might present the answer to life, the universe and everything. Not that I believe it, but it does make for a fun, quirky answer to life' more serious questions.

I think Microserfs is calling my name now.

2010: That's it: I'm going in

Yeesh! I can't believe it. Not just another year, but another decade behind us!

So, what's up for Twenty-Ten and beyond?

Maybe it has something to do with the end-of-the-world-calamity dream I woke up from this morning.

Scene: Huge, glass house shaking all around. The earth girating violently and belching out roars that scared the behoozies out of me. (My heart races even now just thinking about it.) Parents clambering to protect their children from flying glass.

Then, total stillness. 

I asked, like a dork: "Uh, what was that?" Some Kim Kardashian-like Bambi answered, matter-of-factly, "I think it's the beginning of the end of the world."

And that's how my Tuesday started. Off to a great start.

I dunno, maybe it wasn't my dream. But I've been thinking a lot about what I would like to see from my life this year. A handful of things, mainly: to take better care of Mike and myself, be a better Christ-follower and give more of myself.

That means: More love,  grace, more humility (not easy for this one), more compassion. In general, less of me.

That sounds like a very tall order. But God says that if we're going to read like a letter from Him, we have to shine like a light, be gracious in our conversations. Most importantly, we're to love others ...a lot, apparently. 

So, my work is cut out for me. Let's hope I give God a good name in Twenty-Ten. Feel free to let me know if I don't. (I mean that.)

That's it, I have to dump

I haven't blogged in a long time. Partly because I really don't have the time to write as much as I used to. Or maybe I just don't make the time. But it's also because, the more I keep things pent up, the more they build up. The more they build up, the more 'cavities' my heart has.

It's high time I get some (re)fillings. For me, those come from doing brain/mind/heart dumps. And since my brain can't keep up with my preferred journaling method of pen-and-paper, blogging it is. I guess it doesn't have to be public, exactly, but I don't mind sharing my opinion, either. (Ask anyone who knows me.)

Things I've learned since my last post:

• I love Twitter. I went kicking and screaming into it after my brother hounded me for a year to start using it. But on a typical day, it is my best and only way to blog. Better than nothing. In 140 characters or less, I can kind of express thoughts I like to learn from, ideas I agree/disagree with. Usually agree with.
• I'm becoming a bit of a feminist. Or maybe it's just that middle-age amplifies gender differences like there's no tomorrow. Hormones really do wonders for distilling life into two distinct camps--for you or against you. My tolerance for GOB networks is approaching zero...fast. Need to find creative solutions for dealing with this. Seriously.
• Family is becoming more important to me, but harder to access. I miss my mom and nieces/nephews, not to mention my brothers.
• Tennis is my mental life preserver. My competitiveness has gone up (surprise), as has the quality of my game. But how long, really, can I keep this up before the body just says, "No way, José!"
• Let's see...learning to lean more, not less, on my intuition and perceptiveness. Not a boast, just a realization that reading people and picking up vibes from situations is a quality rather than burden. Same goes for (I thought, over-)connecting the dots w/everything, finding patterns and relationships between everything. I thought this stuff made me weird and have lived most of my life thinking these all were liabilities rather than strengths.
• 20 years married is quite the achievement, in our book! Good times.

Also since the last post (as always), God has been good. Revealing so much through people and situations. Teaching me a lot about myself, building my self-awareness, you could say. Showing me blind spots. That's always fun. In all seriousness, there are just some times in your life when God allows you to grow up a little bit more. And that's a good thing.

Tonight the whole world changed

The headlines prove it out. Tonight, the first African American in American history was elected president.

While I don't agree with what I understand to be Barack Obama's ideals, as vague as they are, I have wildly mixed emotions. There is a profound sense of relief that at last we have broken the glass ceiling for minorities. I mean, really: people like me must be asking everywhere: Will someone finally notice us? Will someone finally care what we think?

What an historic election: Out of the 5 major players in this affair (Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, Joe Biden, Sarah Palin, John McCain), 60% of them were minorities. Now that's more like it. ¡Eso sí que es!

Still, I voted for what I believe is one of the greatest American ideals--people stepping up to help each other. And especially, the Church stepping up to be what it is called to be. Now, we may have to work harder to meet that challenge, but I truly hope not.

Let's pray for peace and for unity. That this event of epic proportion will mean real, deep, meaningful change and that those of us disappointed with its outcome will quickly turn to the hope it means for the world and believe in that.

Now we'll tell our children, "I remember where I was when Barack Obama was elected President."

It's 3:05am and I could do, oh, any number of things

Several come to mind, but only one (maybe two) will bring me sleep.

Let's see, there's:
1. Toss and turn and torture myself by just trying
2. Eat a bowl of cereal
3. Pray
4. Write
5. Cry from sheer fatigue

I made the mistake of falling asleep on the couch around 11 last night. Woke up around 12:45, brushed my teeth and made my way to bed. And I've pretty much been awake ever since.

First there was the headache, then the pre-REM brain race, where everything feels urgent and oppressive. And now I'm even more exhausted (and numb) than before.

What to do?

Here's my plan. Because I'm not prone to waking up in the middle of the night or not being able to go back to sleep, I'm going to do a brain dump by doing a little writing first. Ask my my creative buddies, and they'll tell you I'm creatively constipated right now. Maybe tonight's the laxative, who knows...

Then I'm going to pray. I'm also not prone to waking in the middle of the night and doing that. But it has happened once before, a few yrs ago, when there was no way to sleep but to pray first. Don't ask me why, but I'm convinced I was awakened specifically to pray. And, honestly, since that night, my entire perspective on prayer, waiting on God, and discerning open doors has been different.

Tonight, what's kept me up is my racing mind. Lots of things are going on where I work--exciting changes, really, with lots of potential for new opportunities and challenges and growth. Bringing it all into order is another thing however.

But that pre-REM stage...it can bring you either destructive or brilliant ideas. Thank God mine crossed over from the former to the latter in the last hour or so. The world was about to end, then, Sha-ZAM! Brilliant. Amazing. Possible catharsis.

Now to give them some legs. So...I've gotta go now and do my brain dump and then pray. And then sleep.

Healed!

Remind yourself that you are completely healed if you have been given medical clearance.

Dr. John F. Murray, Ph.D.
Tennis.com

And so I am healed. But for nearly 2 yrs, it hasn't quite felt that way.

Today I finished my first "real" tennis season since April 2006, when I had ACL reconstruction done on my right knee. Not bad: 6-2, and my loss today was a very close one to a 4.0 player--that's one rating higher than I compete in.

So...My knee is back. Thank God! Whoo-whoo!!

Healing is so often associated w/illness or miraculous quick turnarounds in one's health. This was by no means a turnaround. This was more like a verrrry loooooong U-turn. More like an O-turn, really. But more than ever, I am at home on the tennis court, playing my game and even scaring the bejeezuss of out others. After all, I am a wee bit competitive, and that's my goal--scare 'em silly! And beat 'em sillier.

Ok, so it's not just my goal to win. It's my goal to play the best game I possibly can, win or lose. And honor God in the process. Good sportsmanship is key to allowing people to see what we're really made of. So I try to keep that in mind, too, as a special opportunity to help others see the bigger picture.

I told my opponent near the end of our match today, "Well, I certainly have my punch list of things to work on after this match."

Opponent: "Yeah, but you work on one thing just to discover something else that needs work."
Me: "That only means your game is constantly being upgraded, improved."

So that's my glass-half-full thought for today. I simply can't explain what it feels like to be whole again. It's simply amazing, and I can only thank God for bringing me through what seemed another long, dark tunnel.

Things are definitely brighter on the other side.

Messin' with my head

Dang it, I hate it when God does this.

Last week was loaded with all kinds of introspection. And, well, it kinda hurts... in a good way, I guess. I haven't finished my brain dump yet from the Willow Creek Association's Leadership Summit. I attended last year too, but this year's sessions hit me very differently.

From vision to leadership to doing something about the inequities of the world, this summit was just plain deep. Heavy, even.

Don't get me wrong--I loved this thing. I'm thoroughly impressed with the faculty they selected this year, too: President Jimmy Carter, Colin Powell, Carly Fiorina, movie producer Richard Curtis, Marcus Buckingham, John Ortberg and others.

Just have to parse it all out now. Lots to think about.

Foul

...mood.

"If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." Well, that's why I haven't said anything here in months. Been a little grumpy.

I want this space to be a fun reflection of life and relationships. Right now, all I want to do is see a few others' lives in the frying pan. I think it's what Mikey calls "Time for a Happy Pill."

Life isn't peaceful right now. It's not that it's bad...it's definitely not that. In fact, it's quite good. Tennis is in my life again (competitively) for the first time in over a year (yay!). Travel is entering my life again (I *think* that's a Yay, but not sure)...got a trip planned to Tanzania in about 3 weeks. Next week I begin volunteering for our libraries...facilitiating conversational English groups for foreign nationals (yay!).

Home projects are starting to move again...the laundry room is pretty much a wrap...so that's good.

All these good things--and I'm a wreck. I'm a person who likes change. In some ares of life, it's good to have things that don't change much, if ever, but overall I more or less enjoy change.

Hmmm...just hit me: Maybe there's too much change in my life right now. All good, but maybe too much?

Good Friday: What's up?

What is up with us and Good Friday?

big things seem to happen to us lately on this day. Today, we close on our house. (Did  just hear a trumpet sound somewhere because we fInally bit the bullet?)

Two years ago, the tone of the day was quite a bit more somber, and I was reminded that this was but a fraction of a glimpse of what the heaviness of the world might have felt like on the day Jesus was crucified.

The pain and grief we felt as we put our 15-year-old Pug, Whoopi, to sleep, was so heavy. She knew her time had come, and I think she was asking us to let her go. She had been doing downhill for weeks, and I had been traveling, so timing was hard on her, and on us.

But when that day came, and we found our way through the blur of tears to drive her to the vet, one thing remained clear: it was time. She had brought us much joy and laughter (still does), and it was time for all of us to move on.

When you put a pet to sleep, the vet delivers the fine print aout what can happen after the injection has begun to run its course through the diesy. Ours mentioned that it could take up to 2-3 minutes, and that we might be able to feel Whoopi's muscles and nerves twitching as they began to shut down; slowed breathing, eyes blinking blah, blah, blah.

Not 10 seconds into the shot, though, Whoopi was gone.

With no intention of elevating my Pug to any religious status (though it has been known to happen, both to Pug and Mac owners, though that's a separate post), the significance and heaviness of the occasion was so much heavier because of the day, Good Friday.

I can't help but think: What must the world have felt like after Jesus was crucified? The earthquake, the curtain of the temple and the rocks breaking in two, the blackening of the sky. It must have felt like the end of the world. There's little to no mention of the disciples at this point in scripture, but the guilt, the bewilderment of Judas' suicide, and now the crucifixion--overwhelming, to say the least. (Am I like that when the going gets tough--do I just retreat and virtually disappear? Don't answer that...)

The world must have been speechless and terrified all at once. I mean, how do you go about business as usual after something like this? Except for the early responders: Joseph of Arimethea, who dressed Jesus' body, the centurion who worshiped Him and the criminal crucified at His side who asked for His mercy, everyone else had to be paralyzed with fear and uncertainty as to what was next.

Thank God, He finishes what He starts. And the world as we know it--death included--was changed forever. Thankfully, the world is not what it was on that morning and, when God's kingdom comes, it won't be what the world is today.

Mikey's and my new beginning is piddly by comparison, but it is a new beginning: a home which we feel blessed with and led to share with others as a place of shelter, rest, and just plain old relationships that we hope point to the One who loves us all so much.

Good Friday, indeed.

Biggest honking set of chopsticks ever

I can actually kick people in the butt with them, too.

You know, God has protected me from many things--driving my car off the road, work disasters, self-destruction, East Texas. And I'm thinking He's done it again. I wiped out pretty good during a tennis match on Sunday, and I must say, things could have been much worse.

We're waiting on MRI results, but the fact that I can put weight on my right knee after zigging it then zagging it during what would've been (I'm sure) a real Wimbledon moment gives me hope that surgery may not be in my future after all. (If you feel inclined to pray for this type of result, feel free to join me! Or God's will is fine...)

I've decided that, for the short term, I live in the Prison of Velcro and my only valuable possession is a huge set of chopsticks used to keep me mobile. (See Exhibit A, left). Only, I'm not nearly as cute, nor do I look anywhere near as happy as Joe Campus here. As you'll see, he doesn't wear the splint.

But I digress.

We're hoping for the best, as we close on our house this Friday, and the work officially begins before move-in. We've spent a lot of time lately in appliance stores, and sooner or later, it's just like buying socks or underwear--they all look alike. So I hope we land a decision pronto. More details later...

I might blog the move...since I may not be able to participate as fully as I'd liked--prayer request #2b is that I'd be able to be as close to normal as possible by move-in!